It is a truth universally acknowledged that a mother in possession of more than one child will discover those children embroiled in mischief the moment she takes out her tit for the baby.
Nursing an infant is the real life equivalent to giving sugar to a Gremlin, except with way scarier results. Seriously they’ll go from playing super nicely together to transforming whatever activity they were engaged in, into a weapon of mass destruction.
That box of plastic figures is now raining down the stairs like misshapen bullets. Ever get taken out by Nanny Plum? I assure you it’s not pretty. That brand new, expensive puzzle they were constructing is now an indiscernible mess of felt tip scribble. That pack of felt dress-up dolls you bought specially to keep them quiet while you’re breastfeeding? Yeah, those dolls are destined to stay naked when there are light switches, mirrors and walls to decorate. And let me tell you, the clothes and hair and other random shit they put in those packs are sticky AF. Like it’ll take you 12 attempts on different days with Dettol and a knife to scrape that shit off!
And what can you do as you sit there, helplessly trapped beneath 8lbs of baby? Nothing. That’s what. Absolutely nothing. And they know it.
Your soft pleas which turn into stern voiced demands which eventually become full on screaming threats to kill them fall on deaf ears. You are a hostage to the whims of your newborn and the sooner you realise that every time they suck everything their siblings do will too, the better!
What crazy things do your kids get up to while you're nursing the baby? I'd love to know my crazy pair aren't the only ones! Tell me at hadassah@threelittlehines.com