Nicole is Mum to twin girls Lucy and Olivia, due to enter their final year of primary school this year. She shares her experience and hacks when it comes to spending double on school uniform, coordinating conflicting extra-curriculars and how to tackle parties and playdates when you have identical twins.
Class Rules
The biggest debate with sending kids to school as a twin or multiple mum is same class or different class. The school is always interested in the parent’s opinion but it’s never guaranteed that you’ll get your choice of course. So it’s a lot of pressure to go either way and what suits one family doesn’t suit another family, so you have to make that choice based on your individual situation and on your children but from a parent’s point of view it’s so much easier to keep them together. You’ve got one parent-teacher interview, the same sports days, same homework days; there’s a lot less running around because of course you can’t be in two places at once. They are particularly close and they’ve been together every day, so to separate them for me felt like a really big step that maybe we weren’t ready for in the first year of schooling.
Later on as they grew more familiar and had established friendships, the option of separate classes was not so daunting. But the teachers told me to blame them and put the onus on the whim of the school should the girls end up in different classes for the new school year.
Having said that, I have friends that separated their twins from the start of school so as not to get into the habit or expectation of keeping them together. They wanted them to create that individual personality at school, especially when they’re identical.
School Uniform
Second hand as much as you can get it. But let’s face it, it’s an expensive start. You won’t come out of the uniform shop under than $560-580 and then you’ve still got to go and get shoes. So yes it is a pretty big cost. You don’t get any government allowance with twins, they’re not seen as “multiple” in the eyes of the government, which I would debate as there were two babies in my belly! But if you have triplets or more you’re considered to have had a multiple birth and are eligible for subsidies and so on. It is expensive, you can’t do hand-me-downs, so you really need to be aware of when the sales are on, and where you can go with the plain retail versions of a polo shirt, jumper, hat etc.
Homework
When they started school and be bringing home readers we’d complete those separately but things like spelling we’d do together. Now they’re in separate classes it definitely takes longer to supervise their individual homework, compared with when they were in the same class and we would sit down all together to complete it. That being said, now they’re older they are that much more self-sufficient.
Competitive Spirit
They’re very competitive because they’re always very very similar in ability so if one surges ahead of the other in a certain thing, normally it’s not because of academic ability, it’s more to do with their level of commitment because they’re enjoying a certain subject so they’ll put more into it, or one twin feels more confident in a particular area than her sister. So you’ll think they’re different ability but in my girls’ case, their abilities are pretty much level which can be the case with identical twins. We have a joke in our family that the girls get the same report card because the teacher couldn’t tell them apart!
Who’s Who?
They will correct people if they get mixed up. They’re used to it. The teachers will get them confused but the other kids are amazing. Their friends are always spot on. They’re developing differences as they get older, starting to wear their hair differently and so on. When they were younger we’d use different coloured hair ties because in school uniform they look even more identical. The teacher used to joke that she’d have to walk behind them to be able to tell who was who! I often say to the teachers, if you don’t know, just call a name and see who looks at you!
Playdates
They’ve always had similar friendship groups and so have always been invited together, which is quite impressive. I don’t think there’s ever been a party where one has been invited without the other. If they were non-identical or boy-girl twins that wouldn’t be as common, but being identical and sharing the same friendship group they tend to get invited everywhere as a pair, which is sort of good but also not really real life. For instance if they want to invite a friend for a playdate it ends up being a group playdate because I can’t exactly get rid of one child out of the house so they can just have a playdate on their own so I guess it goes back and forth.
Parties
When they go to parties I send separate presents because I think well if they’ve both been invited then that’s just like inviting two separate children, so the child would receive two separate presents. I think I make a point of doing it because they are twins. Then they get to carry and give their own present and choose what they want to give their friend.
When it comes to the twins own parties, if parents ask me what to do in terms of presents I’ll typically suggest something the girls can share, like a game that they can play together, or just to get something little for each of them.
Extra-Curricular Activities
Drama, dance, soccer, art, music, gymnastics… They often want to do what their friends are doing and this where it can get really tricky. Not only does it cost you double the amount, it’s also that sometimes it just doesn’t work, like if they want to do two different activities which places them in two different locations at the same time, it’s just not possible to meet those needs. There are a couple of things they do separately but the other one has to understand that they will be dragged along and perhaps have to sit in the car with me if they don’t want to do that activity. But then that will be done in return for them. They’re pretty good at sharing and being accommodating for each other, because they’ve always had to. They had to learn at a very early age to be patient and to think of others, which is a really great lesson to learn in life.
Planning the School Year
We’ll sit down and make a plan at the start of the year. Particularly for the extra-curriculars, we’ll look at everyone’s schedules and then ask them to prioritise their top choice from the list of things they’d like to do. They then get their one thing that they want to do but maybe not 2 or 3 on their list.
Advice to first time parents
I think it’s mostly about trusting your instincts. There’s no one who knows their own child better than the parent so you have lots of people with lots of opinions but no one child is the same as another so you really do need to trust your instincts! Go with the flow but also speak out if you have a feeling that things are not right.
School has been a really positive experience for us and I feel now that as their school life continues even if they are in different classes, I know they’ll look out for each other which makes me feel a little bit more secure knowing they’re not on their own. Knowing they can find safety and comfort in each other and if something goes wrong with one and goes quiet and doesn’t want to talk to me, the other one will tell me!